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Lowest of the low. London: Methuen, Zillman, D. Disparagemen t humor. McGhee, and J. Goldstein Eds. New York: Springer Verlag, Download references. You can also search for this author in PubMed Google Scholar. Reprints and Permissions. Human Relations 51, — Download citation. Issue Date : November Anyone you share the following link with will be able to read this content:. Sorry, a shareable link is not currently available for this article.
Provided by the Springer Nature SharedIt content-sharing initiative. Skip to main content. Search SpringerLink Search. Abstract The author argues that insults are an importantsocial and organizational phenomenon, which causespowerful emotions and enters people's personalhistories.
Google Scholar Ashforth, B. Google Scholar Auster, E. Google Scholar Bacharach, S. Google Scholar Baum, H. There can be no insult withouta perpetrator or an insulted party. A remark or action intended as an insult but not registered or experienced as one by its target, can hardly be said to constitute an insult, even if an audience recognised the intention.
But why are some people so compelled to find that weakness and inflict harm on others? Well, as the German-Swiss poet, novelist and painter Hermann Hesse once said: "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. A few psychologists believe we all havea side of our personality that we don't like to expose or speak of.
This is where we hide away the qualities we think of as undesirable and negative, and all of the physical, verbal and emotional abuse we might have once suffered. According to Eva Jajonie, a clinical psychotherapist from the American Center for Psychiatry and Neurology in Abu Dhabi, "When suppressed concerns and feelings, such as lack of self-esteem; self-defeating thoughts and behaviours; guilt; and anger, for example, are not treated or dealt with, the person uses insults to unleash anger, to escape dealingwith the pain or trauma experienced or asa way to exert control [over another person] and feel powerful.
People also insult because they simply do not know any better. They repeat the common patterns present in the environments they are exposed to - home, school and work - and where insulting becomes a habit to function or deal with problems.
Jajonie says: "Even the media plays a major role today. Some cartoons, movies and video games, for example, teach insults and violence, affecting children.
A person may also hurl an insult at another simply because of "the pecking order and the undoubted primary aggression that characterises us as humans", notes Gabriel. In his paper, An Introduction to the social psychology of insults in organizations, available from the free online collection of the International Society for the Psychoanalytic Study of Organisations ISPSO , Gabriel suggests that "jokes are a good place to begin an investigation of insults.
Like jokes, insults depend on timing and must touch a vital nerve. Like jokes, insults play on hidden desires and vulnerabilities. Like jokes, they can be highly imaginative and ingenious… The main difference between insults and jokes would seem to lie in their emotional content.
Jokes release mirth, whereas insults unleash anger. It is no surprise that there is an array of ways to degrade, offend, humiliate and unleash that anger in people.
According to Gabriel, "insults can be verbal, consisting of mocking invective, cutting remarks, negative stereotypes, rudeness or straight swearing. Hellen Meyerhof, a Brazilian flight attendant based in Abu Dhabi, knows exactly what this feels like: "In my previous job, I had to deal with a very difficult customer. One day, he stormed in and started to complain about almost everything about my company.
He shouted at me in front of other customers and colleagues. I felt stressed and terrible; all I really wanted to do was run far away and scream out to release the stress. But I took a deep breath and listened attentively and respectfully without interruption.
After I took responsibility for the problem on behalf of my organisation, the customer calmed down, came to his senses and ended apologising for his behaviour. Usually I get defensive. My first thought is to turn around, remind them that I'm working, and ask [how they would feel] if I sat through their office meetings making comments all through. But then I remind myself to diffuse the situation by taking the comment lightly and making polite conversation According to Gabriel, "Insults can also be performed in deed, as when valued objects are defamed, symbols desecrated, gifts returned or invitations refused.
A good example of this is the classic scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian played so well by Julia Roberts steps into a designer store in Beverly Hills to buy a dress. The sales lady does not hurl any pointed insults. She simply looks Vivian from head to toe and says things like, "It's very expensive", "I don't think we have anything for you" and "You are obviously in the wrong place". Gabriel reminds us of several other types of insults based on exclusion.
For instance, when invitations highlight the division between those on the guest list and those who are not. Even if no slight is intended it is easy fora person left out to feel offended. Another feature of insults is that some of them are very subjective. Getting angry is not suggested as it may only make things worse, and even the smallest of insults can make mountains out of molehills, which is something you should avoid.
So better to overcome the sadness that you have from such insults because later that will transform into anger to take revenge. Humour is the best defense mechanism in this situation. This is suggested when the insults are from someone who has not insulted something personally or crossed the line which he should not. Insults are a way of showing affection too and not only to disrespect someone. People tend to insult their friends or loved ones more than they insult others. So humor can be used more often when someone close to you insults you.
Laugh off the insult and move on. Do not react instantly, take deep breathes, and calm yourself down. T his will avoid many conflicts that may have happened if you had not stopped yourself and calmed yourself.
Being in the right state of mind is crucial as it will make you see things far more clearly. After regaining composure, you can reply as you may please, hopefully not escalating the matter further.
If the insults turn into something more aggressive, then let someone in charge know. Like someone cannot in any way insult you regarding your Religion, Sexual orientation etcetera.
If someone crosses the line, let the authority know. Tell your boss or employee or file an official complaint to the police if needed. Because generally this kind of insults and bullies can soon be transformed into something physical. Some people have the tendency to insult people which sometimes they do not even realize. And the best way to tackle this kind of people is to simply ignore them.
Ignoring people whose insults are just weak and pathetic, also is a great answer to your question of what to do when someone insults you. This will give you the satisfaction of making them feel bad without even remotely doing anything.
Just stay away from that someone who ignores your good-side and only focus on your mistakes. It is okay to tell the person to back off as you are not okay with them insulting you.
There are some smart things to say when someone insults you, and your approach to responding to them matters at the end. Insult them with the same intensity as they insulted you. Accept the insult. It can be in a form of constructive criticism, which in turn is actually good for you and you should not fight it, rather accept it graciously and make yourself a better person.
Though there is a difference between criticizing and insulting which you have to understand and act accordingly. We are not saying to accept whatever the person says to you after being insulted. But we want you to think about it in logical aspects. As said earlier, if there are your well-wishers who insult you, then you better know their purpose behind it.
No person who wants you to grow will ever try to demotivate you by any means. Such persons just want you to make some positive changes in yourself. So think logically and discuss with them the reason why they insult you or what changes they want in you. For that, you have to make yourself believe that you are not perfect and they are your own, who talks in your favor.
They are not insulting you but telling the truth which you must know. After all, they are your parents, teachers, true friends who know the required improvements in your personality for your better.
I know how it feels when someone insults you. Indeed, the thinking process of a person is the root of all that we think and what we do. It may feel like an insult to you, But a person who expresses such emotions may not have the intention to do it. Your friends who you think insults you have expressed their funny comments as part of witticism, not necessarily to demotivate or make you feel inferior.
That just shows you the negative remarks. And if you really found that someone insults you willingly, then what you can do other than getting angry and take revenge…is to maintain your positive attitude.
Yeah, it seems difficult at first, when you are flooded with ideas for paying back. But it is the best way to do it for yourself.
What I realized was that the pain caused by insults is really just a symptom of a far more serious ailment: our participation in the social hierarchy game. We are people who need to be among people. The problem is that once we are among them, we feel compelled to sort ourselves into social hierarchies.
But since we are humans with outsized brains and language, we use words instead. It is the social hierarchy game that makes insults sting.
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